Here's To You North Jersey! May You Die A Quick And Terribly Violent Death

Harsh? I think not. Allow me to let you all in on a few tidbits of wisdom. If God had foreseen the horrors of the Northern half of this great state, trust me, he would never have created it. South Jersey would be what it truly is meant to be; A perfect little island off the coast of Pennsylvania, the most charming place in the country. As it stands now, North Jersey is a tiny piece of Sodom and Gomorrah reincarnate. A den of iniquity that makes Vegas look like a town full of God fearing folk who love them some good old fashioned values. It is literally the bane of South Jersey's existence. Its Achilles heel, if you will. Trust me when I tell you, the world would be a much better place sans North Jersey.

Now that I have "spit the truth" I will give you some information about where my strong opinions come from. Being a South Jersey girl I am constantly bombarded with questions from people from other states about what it is like to live in New Jersey. Actually, its not even just questions, its often a lot of preconceived notions that come from other people, rumors about my state, and most often from television. And really, in some ways I cannot blame people for the things they think about this state. After all, all you have to do is drive the Jersey Turnpike on your way to New York or beyond, and you will easily form an opinion about Jersey that is based solely on looks. The truth is, that stretch of highway gives you lovely views North Jersey...power plants and factories, landfills, shitty looking rundown towns, overpopulation, and just plain old dirt. It is an ugly stretch of highway. I will be the first to admit it. Beyond that the traffic is terrible, and everyone is an asshole. This one highway has managed to single handedly give New Jersey a reputation for crazy drivers, poor drivers, and rude drivers. I've got news for you people! Drivers from other states are allowed on the highway too! Many of the drivers giving us a bad name are actually from New York! And because North Jersey is so over populated and close to New York City, the people tend to drive like New Yorkers. City driving is a whole different animal. So stop, stop blaming me for the driving style of a New Yorker on the Jersey Turnpike. You don't know me!

Now yes, I have an accent. It is its own sound, it is native to Southern New Jersey. It does not include anything that sounds like "New Joisy" or "How you doooinnn" or "Can I get a glass of Wada". Its more of a mix of hard R's(Ber-ry not Beary), a total lack of the word "water" (we say wooder, or wudder), and a big slew of exaggerated O's (Faowne Cawls). If you think you need something to compare it to so that you can understand how I sound, its closest relative is a Philadelphian accent. They aren't exactly the same, but they are close.

Why would I sound like I was from Philadelphia you may ask? Well, for those of you from far away who may not know, South Jersey is basically an extension of Pennsylvania. Most people who live here are from families who have been in the area for generations, or else they moved out of the city to get some open space and fresh air. This makes it a lovely, homey place. We are lifers. We love it here. Its a family place. For example, my great grandparents were dairy farmers. They owned a huge portion of my home town on which they raised their family and their Holstein cows. They sold dairy to most grocery stores in the area. My grandfather grew up three streets away from the farm. When he and my grandmother got married they moved into a house on the same street my Grandfather grew up on. This house is where my mother grew up. When my parents were married they moved into one of the two homes between my grandfather's childhood home, and my mother's childhood home. This is the house that I grew up in, and the house that my parents still live in. So South Jersey is deeply routed in my veins, as is farming. I am sure you have all wondered why New Jersey is called the garden state. Well, that would be due solely to the fact that South Jersey was, and in many cases still is, farm land. It has been built up in some areas, but for the most part, we are farmers. We grow the most delicious tomatoes especially. I am sorry, but there just is no way to beat a good Jersey tomato.

Finally, my life is NOTHING like the cast of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. That is total North Jersey trash at its best. I do not care one bit about New York City. I do not wish I could afford to live there, I do not go there on the weekends, I am not living in a suburb of New York and working in the city. South Jersey hates North Jersey, and we also hate New York. I do not "go to the Jersey shore" I "go down the shore". Down being the operative word. Any beach above Atlantic City is considered a North Jersey beach and is a totally different thing. I am an Ocean City girl. The real Jersey Shore is about as far from the TV show as you can get. The beach is much more gorgeous down here. The boardwalk isn't filled with trashy people trying to get drunk. In Ocean City there are no bars. In many of my favorite shore towns there isn't even a board walk. We are completely laid back, choosing to go crabbing, ride bikes, take our boats out on the bay, and spend time with our families. My beach house is full of my family. It is a quiet place. At night we take walks and listen for owls. I lay out in the huge Sod field and look at the stars. My life is nothing like the world thinks. All because North Jersey has ruined the state's reputation. I have to be honest, I wish we could cut the state in half and go our separate ways. That is why when I am asked where I am from I will always reply South Jersey, often to the confusion of the person asking.

With all that being said (trust me if you are still reading I applaud you, you are a trooper) there is one thing that is true about Jersey. Never fuck with a Jersey girl, no matter which half of the state she is from. We are ballsy, confident, smart women. We will not hesitate to tell you the truth, sometimes to a fault. We work hard but we play harder. We will beat the shit out of you if you disrespect us, and God forbid you disrespect our friends or family. We are loyal to a fault. We love like no one else does, we love deeply and with intensity. That is why we have a reputation. We are firecrackers. You love us but we will drive you crazy! We are not for the faint of heart, but when it comes down to it, we have the biggest hearts imaginable, and we wear them on our sleeve. Love us, hate us, we don't care, its who we are for better or worse. We are Jersey girls. Well...South Jersey girls ;)