Saints Preserve Us! The Milk Has Gone Sour!

It happened. Something I never expected in my lifetime. At least, I never thought it would happen to me. What is "it" you may ask? This tragedy? This terrible happenstance? Our milk. It is sour. The milk. In MYYYY refridgerator. Has gone bad.

Perhaps to you, reader, who knows me not, this seams like nothing. First of all you say, who cares? Its milk. That's what happens. Go buy more. Secondly you say, why is it such a tragedy? Why are you  making such a big deal about your milk doing what all milk must eventually do? I shall tell you.

I am single handedly fueling the dairy industry. That's right. Little (well maybe not so much) old me. I love dairy. I love it to the moon and back. All forms. If it were up to me that's all the world would consume. Dairy. And potatoes. But beyond this, I am milk's number one fan. If I wasn't so reserved (ha) I would shout it from the roof tops. I LOVE MILK!

I go through large amounts of milk. I put it in my omlettes. I bake with it. I use it in mashed potatoes to make them creamier. Of course it goes in my cereal. But most importantly I drink it by the glass. Sometimes with chocolate syrup, sometimes without. Sometimes I get a little crazy and I even put some old fashioned malt in my milk. But I alwayssss put my milk on ice. Why, Juliet, why?! Who would ever put ice in their milk? Doesn't that make it watery?! Gross!

NO! I say no! Capital N to the Oh! Do you know why entraptured audience? I shall enlighten you! The milk does not become watery when you put it on ice becauseeee.....YOU DRINK IT FAST ENOUGH TO FINISH IT BEFORE IT GETS WATERED DOWN!

Haha, revelation! I can see your faces now. Its a milk revival! The world is turning back to its milky roots. And that milk they are consuming, its a-gettin chilled over ice! The ice is crucial people! It makes for the coldest, most refreshing glass of milk possible! So drink it up, take it down, get that milk. Your bones will thank you. Your grandmother will thank you. Your refridgerator will thank you.

And remember, above and beyond all of this, please, don't do what I did. Don't abuse your milky privelages. I am ashamed that I wasn't paying my milk the full attention it deserved. It was left neglected in my fridge and ultimately met with its swift demise. The life of milk is fleeting. People please, I beg you, love the milk! I promise, it will love you back! Unless of course you are lactose-intolerant or your name is Stella Marie and you loathe it...in which case I can't help you...please disregard this entire post. Or don't...its no "skim" off my back! Oh sweet Jehovah...I think its time to take my exit. Bow out while I am still...behind.

Goodnight comb
And goodnight brush
Goodnight nobody
Goodnight mush
And goodnight to the old lady
whispering "hush"
Goodnight stars
Goodnight air
Goodnight to milk lovers everywhere...